ha...so yea this week has got to be like the crappiest week i've had in a long while....right now my mood is the Sum41 song "slipping away" My eyes are still puffy a little, and like that burning stinging feeling from crying last night. I hate how at one moment a crap load of....how do i say this....BAD...just falls on you all at once. Right now i would just love to move to arizona by myself....I would miss everyone of you (friends wise) so much....but right now i think i just need as much alone time as possible...even if i try to explain my problems they prolly would seem as big to everyone else as they are to me....but i'm just tired of everything....all the crap ....and being ticked off all the time....the only time i'm happy out of school is when i'm not at home......and thats sad...maybe its just one of those teenager things....whatever..but i've had this feeling for a couple of years now...and frankly i'm pretty tired of it.....i just need to get out....and........(sorry have to ) but BREAKAWAY from all this....CRAP! i just want to getaway and do my thing .... I'm tired of playing happy girl all the time...like i have a great life....i'm tired of it....i dont want to pretend anymore i want it to be real. Eventually my dad will understand and our relationship will be good but i'm afraid by then it will be to late....my brother is spoiled as crap and frankly it ticks me off cuz all my mom does is baby him....he gets to do whatever he wants to.....But hes only 7 and i'm 17 so i should understand they say. RIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHT!WHATEVER! And my mom is always so consumed in school, shes got one year left in college....which i understand is really stressful and i look upto her for that because its really hard to tend to other things when your tryin to help yourself and your family out financaly....its hard for your children to understand, but i feel so bad because my mom is always so stressed with school and everything and then me and my dad dont really get along so when my mom gets home from school my dad complains and naggs at her for us not getting along and its really not fair for her. i miss...i miss..my happy family that we used to have about 6-7 years ago...eveyone was so happy and....i wish we could have that back but .....we've been trying for it and it's not working. part of the problem is my dads illness and he's getting worse.....just last month he wasnt sure he was gonna make it another six months....but time will tell.....and so hes constanly in pain and always tired....and then i dont help because he gets so frustrated with me for the littlest things and i get mad at him for being mad at me for the stupidest little things and then we wont talk for like 2 days....and when we do the tension between us just burns us and you can feel it...and when people come over to visit they can feel the tension in our house... my aunt doesnt like to come over and visit anymore because my dad cant idk its hard to explain...he hates change and he makes me feel guilty all the time about moving to arizona....and...it just sux....but....whatever.....i guess someone out there has it alot worse than me so....i shouldnt really complain...but i just feel like crying right now and i dont feel like cryin in school and all this sad music on the radio isnt helping me....so....i'm gonna go yay for early dismissal at 105 yessss... love yall.....
crystal
sorry about the complaining and dont feel sorry if you do...it'll just make it worse...